the orange glow

Yes so monday, bloody monday has past. What a weekend of worry. Honestly I don’t know why but one of the most feared thing top of my list of most feared things is getting scolded by someone of the same sex. Is it the submissive and gender-resigned part of me that feels that when a man scolds you it’s no big deal. Fathers are always about lashing and reprimanding. Yet when the maternal side of women so endearingly so suddenly transformed into medusa is like

So I am handed with learning issues, well deservingly so. Will i grow up to be the one i so feared. I hope. There is so much i have to learn. So much to do before your death. When all has been nothing towards the preparation of departing.

Over the weekend I did almost nothing, which is a luxurious bliss, apart from watching this history documentary following the rise and fall of the tsars. It was simply so engaging. I am inspired by Catherine the Great. Rasputin is scary. He reminds me a little of the Shoko Asahara. I think you can see why. Peter III is amusing in his ineptitude.

Last thursday having met up with xiaoyan revived a little sanity into what was turning into a blue gloom period. Remind me again the period of ignorance and grace period afforded to us in our JC days, where the only worry was A levels. Beat this.

Having finished After Dark, still having no sense from beginning to end, all i get is this vivid movie running inside my head, the scenes unfolding as if i have watched it myself. That the line that separates imagination and reality is blurred. At night the lights shone brightly to me, as if a reminder to the pulsating rhythm that continues to reverberate even in the dead of the night. That night fell doesn’t mean that eyes asleep.

“No one answers our questions,” says the voice of After Dark. “Our question marks are sucked, unresisting, into the final darkness and uncompromising silence of the night.”